How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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