return my video game
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
