every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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