I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
