just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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