dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
