Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
