GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
