just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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