I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
