I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
