I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
