We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
