Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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