She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
