Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
