Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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