So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just had sex bonerless
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
