I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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