Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
