Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
