she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
