this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
