Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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