Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
