don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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