Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
