There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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