That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
