I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
