you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
