she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
