I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
