11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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