I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
