when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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