i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
