I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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