i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The uberlube is also flammable
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to align my fucking chakras
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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