I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this hospital has no fireball
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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