it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
