My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
