Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
a search helicopter?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
