Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
