My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
