I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
