I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
