So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
