Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
