so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
