mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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