I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
