I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your cock deserves a montage
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
